This post is going to be mostly aimless thoughts and feelings I’ve been having lately. A directionless stream of consciousness I suppose. I am listening to the Wii’s forecast channel music and my goodness is it bringing me back to 06-07. The current song is playing:
I am going to enter into the later half of my thirties this year. Goodness that’s something, eh? It’s a tough thing to face. However, age and maturity bring quite a few benefits. Lately I’ve been what I would call ‘selectively selfish’ in quite a few aspects of my life. Anyone who knows me, knows that I give. I give a LOT to people. I won’t name any names here since this isn’t airing dirty laundry. Let’s just say that in the past two years, I’ve probably spent over $3,000 on friends to do things or have fun. I always thought it wasn’t about the money but rather the memories you create. However, it starts to get reallllly exhausting when all you are is an ATM to people. I give and give and give but I never receive. Let me take a step back here for a moment. I don’t give to receive. I never expect anything, but ya know, it would be nice. I’ve conditioned this mentality where I am expected to just pay for things now and I’m finished.
Branching off from this, I’ve learned that I need to surround myself with people who provide me with something. It doesn’t have to be materialistic. Not one bit. I just want something, anything, to take away from the relationship. I recently reconnected with my friend Fish (last name Fisher). I can (and should) write an entire post on Fish to be honest. All I can say at the moment is reconnecting with him made me realize how much of a void us drifting apart created for me. He was such a huge part of my life and so many aspects of my personality have been crafted by the years we spent together. Gaming all night on Xbox Live. Working together at GameStop. Hanging out all night at MGs house playing ping pong. His sense of humor is so compatible with mine that it’s nearly impossible to explain. All of this said, the thing I adore most is his ability to have an intellectual and emotionally mature conversation. It is such a lungful of fresh, delicious air. In the past few times we’ve hung out, we had such incredible conversations. He takes an incredible interest in any conversation and asks questions with genuine desire to hear the answer in order to engage with you further. Just utterly fantastic.
Hanging out together feels like we haven’t missed a beat. Sure, we look a bit older but we are still the same 17 year old kids who met back in 2005. Same personalities, same ability to talk to have such effortless fun together. It’s been an absolutely blessing to have the opportunity to reconnect with him.
Boy does she drive like a be—yoot! It also has the JBL 9 speaker system with the Pioneer unit. It kickssss. I cannot believe the power it can drive to the speakers. The tweeters up top really help create such a well rounded sound. The V6 comes with a much nicer interior than any other Camry model comes with. Just an absolute beautiful car. It even has this thing that shows your speed, the street you’re on and the speed limit on the windshield. Yes, the windshield. Just awesome!
Its 12:53am and I have to be up at 10am. Pebbles is snoring away next to me as I type. She’s waiting for me to go to bed so badly, so I may have to cut this short and head there. Hopefully I’ll have something to write about soon. I have all these profound thoughts often and I want to flesh them out, however I forget about them by the time I can get around to jotting them down.
I’ll end it with a final thought. I’m verrry high at the moment, so bear with me and my eulogy to a metaphorical horse that I’ve beaten to death. I want to live life and experience all the desires I have for various things. Somewhere along the way to 35, I lost a part of myself that chased my dreams. No matter how small, I would always go out and do it. I hate that it took me so long to realize that it’s been missing. The perspective that we only have one shot. To not age with regrets. Losing weight and dieting in the past month showed me just how much you get from being disciplined and setting your mind to something.
I welcome any and all curveballs life wants to throw my way. I’m open to whatever ya got!