On my final 2 hours of my first overnight shift this rotation. It wasn’t bad so far. Quiet, calm and time is actually moving at a fantastic pace. I have FOX Weather Night Light on my tablet and it’s fantastic for background noise. It creates a nice serene atmosphere. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’ve been circling something I recently posted about regarding who you surround yourself with. Something in the past year just changed inside of me. I am finding it so hard to not become frustrated and feel jaded when I hang out with people anymore. I just don’t surround myself with the people I should. People that think and feel the same way as me. That consider others before themselves. The other night I was hanging with my friends and there were a few moments when I thought to myself something similar to the following:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I have no idea why I choose to sit here and continue to feel like this”. Multiple fucking times.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That’s just not a good feeling to have when you are hanging out with friends. It also has caused me to recently contemplate what a ‘friend’ actually is. Are the people I am hanging out with truly friends, or are they just people to hang around and bullshit with? I am starting to lean towards the latter. If that’s all friends are, I can just find a billion of them on the internet. If I stopped talking to the people I talk to daily, would my life be affected in anyway? After intensive consideration, I truly cannot see how it would be. That’s just not good. I need more from my relationships. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
This is very similar to my thoughts and feelings of an ex. I used too long and crave for a moment of vindication. I’d kill for a moment to speak to this person and show that I wasn’t what I believed they thought of me. Then in the past year or so my attitude towards that completely shifted. What was once “I’d kill for my moment” became “It simply doesn’t matter”. It doesn’t benefit anyone. There is no net positive to take away from that. These relationships failed for a reason, and they belong in the past. They could text me tomorrow and I’d delete it instantly. Just no thank you! This applies to quite a few people I knew honestly, but I can see it happening to my closest friendships soon. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is so much more I could write, however I am choosing to leave it here. I don’t want this journal to become a bitch fest. It feels good to get my thoughts written out, but it’s been too mopey lately. I gotta get back to the fun stuff!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
On a good note, I started a new play through of Knights of the Old Republic! I had no idea the PC version ran at 60 fps, so that is a wonderful surprise! I am hoping I can beat this as well as the sequel before my friend and I start new characters on SWTOR. I just don’t think I have the time to do it!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I’m hitting the gym at 4 am after work and doing chest and tris. I am doing so well so far and I can’t wait to see how I look in June! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
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On my final 2 hours of my first overnight shift this rotation. It wasn’t bad so far. Quiet, calm and time is actually moving at a fantastic pace. I have FOX Weather Night Light on my tablet and it’s fantastic for background noise. It creates a nice serene atmosphere. I’ve been circling something I recently […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-161","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/161","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=161"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/161\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":175,"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/161\/revisions\/175"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=161"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=161"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/smcderm.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=161"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}